Thursday, January 3, 2008

13 Things Humans May Say to Cats

1) We will allow you to say “Calm down, you crepuscular maniac!” because the reason we get the “night crazies” is that we’re crepuscular mammals, meaning we’re most active at twilight. We share this trait with rabbits, ferrets, guinea pigs … and vishus deer!

2) You may refer to us as your “Digitigrade darlings” because we are just that. A digitigrade is an animal that walks on its toes. We share this trait with woofies, but not humans. You humans, like bears, are plantigrades – you clunk around on the soles of your feet.

3) You may call us your “Loose-skinned lovebugs” because we do have very loose skin. This allows us to turn easily inside our own skin when you humans, or another cat, or a predator has a grip on us. It also lets our catmoms carry us around by the scruff of our necks. (Hint: massaging the loose skin on the scruffs of our necks is very soothing for us.)

4) You may request “Don’t get your vibrissae in an uproar” because we do, in fact, have dozens of movable vibrissae (whiskers) not just on our faces, but all over our bodies, and they are prone to stand up straight when we get rattled.

5) We will tolerate your occasional shriek for us to “You obligate carnivore, get off that counter!” when we stalk your ham or chicken. But you must understand that as obligate carnivores, our teeth, our digestive systems and our entire physiology makes us meat eaters and lacks efficient processes for digesting plant matter. That’s why we yack up grass.

6) When we refuse to eat, you may order us to “Get your vomeronasal organ off its high horse” even though we’ll ignore you. Our vomeronasal organ, or Jacobson’s organ in the roofs of our mouths, sometimes gets used to the smell of the same food over and over again, and it wants to be excited by something new. This same organ gets excited when we smell something interesting and start doing that open-mouthed sniffing thing.

7) We will permit you to call us “squirrelly” because squirrels and cats are the only mammals who can survive a fall at terminal velocity. This is because we have flexible spines, no collar bones and a righting reflex, letting us land on our feet. However, don’t ask us to try this at home, because we don’t always land unharmed!

8) We will ignore your occasional “Oh no, I see your membrana nictitans!” because you’re being anatomically correct. Our membrane nictitans (nictitating membrane) is our third eyelid. Don’t be alarmed; it doesn’t always mean we’re sick – we could just be happy or trying to take a nap. We use our third eyelid to clean dirt & junk off our big eyes, and to block out light. We see better than people in the dark, so we need that third eyelid to catnap all day in the daytime!

9) We will also overlook at times “You bonehead!” because we do, in fact, have 29 bones in our skulls and you poor humans have only 22. This could possibly be because our brains are more worth protecting than yours!

10) You may say “You think you’re hot stuff, don’t you?” because we are hot stuff compared to you. Our normal body temperature is 101.5, while yours is only 98.6.

11) You can call us “wildcats” when we run through the house with our tails pointed in the air, but you would be wrong, as usual. We domestic cats are the only cat species than can hold its tail upright when walking or running. Wild cats either tuck them between their legs or hold them straight out.

12) You may call us “picky eaters” but you would be wrong again. Domestic cats can hunt and eat about 1,000 different species; big cats eat fewer than 100.

13) We don’t mind at all if you call us “hepetalactone addicts.” This is a good thing! The catnip plant contains an oil called hepetalactone which does for us what marijuana does to humans. Just be sure to keep lots of Temptations on hand for when we get the munchies!

26 comments:

Dragonheart & Merlin said...

Fabulous list! Great job. :) Thanks for all of that interesting information. We knew some of it, but not all of it. All of you at Artsy Catsy are obviously very smart. When we act crazy around dusk or dawn, our humans call us "you crepuscular crazies." Yes, our humans are weird. ;) Our mom really likes the word crepuscular for some reason. We'll never hear #4 those, since we Sphynx don't have any whiskers to speak of.

Captain Jack and Dante said...

Wow! We never knew so much about ourselves before!! Thank you for compiling such a list!

topcatrules said...

Crikey! That was brilliant! We enjoyed reading that.

And Trixie is THRILLED that she got sung to by the Artsy Crafty choir. That has made her Gotcha Day special. :)

Diamond Emerald-Eyes said...

That was cool, but I think she just stick to calling me to dinner...

Diamond Emerald-Eyes said...

That was cool, but I think she just stick to calling me to dinner...

Tybalt said...

I love it! Now I can prove how superior I am to everyone else!

Take that, mommy! You always knew I was special, right?!

Daisy said...

Wow, I feel smart now!

Parker said...

That was spectacular!

Eric and Flynn said...

Wow that has made us feel furry impawtunt. The only fing we sort of knew about was when we come in all poofed up cuz sumfing skeered us, is when mum sez why have yoo got the vibby rissys.We thought she wuz just nuts.

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Ummm... I do not believe my human is smart enough to say any of that!

Kaz's Cats said...

You kitties are so smart to know all that - Mum said she knew some things, but not all of those big words. We explained that it justs proves how special all cats are, and especially us!

Thanks for visiting our new blog - you must have one big house with all of those kitties and staff!

Purrs & headbutts

Gypsy & Tasha

Derby said...

wow you had a lot of scientific information about us kitties.

But what if the call you a "lard a$$"?

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

Bendrix and I loooooooooved number 13. I think if mommy called me what Derby said, Bendrix would toot in her face (again) at 12:30am. That is nasty, but effective.

Artsy Catsy said...

Hee hee, Derby! You could try modifying your mum's behavior like I did with my mom. When she calls me a lard a$$, I give her a lofty stare and say, "You gotta lotta room to talk, thunder thighs!!"

Rocky

SophieKitty said...

Wow! We kitties are deep!

Chen & Ollie said...

Woa! What a great TT! We will have to study it better and learn how to pronounce some of those words better!
Purrs,
Mr. Chen & Ollie

Dr Tweety of da Fab Five said...

Dis iz by far, da bestee T13 I haz evfur read!!!! I lovez da scientifi-call stufee. It just makes me feel GOOD!
-Dr T

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Hmm, dat was furry edjukashonal. We just like mom to call us by our names but wif a nice word in front and not a no behind. Ya know, like Sweet Speedman insted of Speedy No.

Monkee said...

More ammunition for me against the humans. Thank you. :)

I am very impressed with you. Brains and good looks. Cats after my own heart.

Queen Snickers or Empress said...

Wow that was a great list! Very impressive! Momma thought 7 was cool, she studied physics a lot is school (for fun, ya I know she's a dork) and never heard that. She is going to try and contact some of her old professors and see if they knew that. ~Queen Snickers

Finnegan & Buddy said...

THis is a furry good FSA (feline service annownsement) and shood be printed for all beans to post in the kitchen. If we efur gets owr compooter bak in owr new howse, we'll do it!

Finny & Buddy

Dragonheart & Merlin said...

Thank you for your good wishes yesterday. I am doing much better. Dragonheart

The Whiskers & Purrs Gang said...

Dang...y'all is way smart!
Very truly yours,
The Whiskers & Purrs Gang

The Fluffy Tribe said...

that was furry interestin and way smart too, we luved it ~The Fluffy Tribe

Hot(M)BC said...

Hehehe Thanks for permission, guys ;)
Robyn

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