Toe Healing Tuesday

Dr. Rocky: You'll remember that my mom took our dear friend Jim to a bone oncologist yesterday at a major orthopedic hospital 2 hours away from us. Since he's the only bone oncologist in Indiana, while they were away I earned my M.D. (Mancat Doctor) degree online so that I can provide a second opinion. First, I performed a thorough examination ... Ah yes ... I concur with the bone oncologist. This does not appear to be a tumor. That is the good news. It may be a bone infection. It may be something else. Or it may, in fact, be a tumor, even though it does not appear to be. To arrive at a definitive diagnosis, surgery must be done next Wednesday in order to perform a biopsy, and to remove the affected bone and fill in the area with bone cement.

However, I, the renowned Dr. Rocky, have an additional remedy that the bone oncologist missed. Medical research has proven that cats purr at 25-130 Hertz per second, the same frequency that stimulates bone healing and growth, decreases swelling and joint pain, and increases the production of the body's natural anti-inflammatory compounds. Therefore, I prescribe constant purring on Jim's foot, beginning right now and continuing through his 2+ weeks on crutches after surgery ...Very good. Just see my receptionist Callie on your way out and she'll give you further instructions. That will be $23,428.95 for an office call -- we accept cash, checks, credit cards or Temptations. However, since today is your birthday, Jim, and scheduling surgery is not a very pleasing birthday gift, this first visit is free. Happy Birthday, Jim!

Okay, next patient ... oh no, it's my mom! She has a sore throat and fever. I need some purring assistance here, stat! Would all certified cat healers please teleport over here to my clinic and help me give my mom CPR (Cat Purring Resuscitation)!