Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Toe Healing Tuesday

Dr. Rocky: You'll remember that my mom took our dear friend Jim to a bone oncologist yesterday at a major orthopedic hospital 2 hours away from us. Since he's the only bone oncologist in Indiana, while they were away I earned my M.D. (Mancat Doctor) degree online so that I can provide a second opinion. First, I performed a thorough examination ... Ah yes ... I concur with the bone oncologist. This does not appear to be a tumor. That is the good news. It may be a bone infection. It may be something else. Or it may, in fact, be a tumor, even though it does not appear to be. To arrive at a definitive diagnosis, surgery must be done next Wednesday in order to perform a biopsy, and to remove the affected bone and fill in the area with bone cement.

However, I, the renowned Dr. Rocky, have an additional remedy that the bone oncologist missed. Medical research has proven that cats purr at 25-130 Hertz per second, the same frequency that stimulates bone healing and growth, decreases swelling and joint pain, and increases the production of the body's natural anti-inflammatory compounds. Therefore, I prescribe constant purring on Jim's foot, beginning right now and continuing through his 2+ weeks on crutches after surgery ...Very good. Just see my receptionist Callie on your way out and she'll give you further instructions. That will be $23,428.95 for an office call -- we accept cash, checks, credit cards or Temptations. However, since today is your birthday, Jim, and scheduling surgery is not a very pleasing birthday gift, this first visit is free. Happy Birthday, Jim!

Okay, next patient ... oh no, it's my mom! She has a sore throat and fever. I need some purring assistance here, stat! Would all certified cat healers please teleport over here to my clinic and help me give my mom CPR (Cat Purring Resuscitation)!

25 comments:

Diamond Emerald-Eyes said...

I usually just bite my Bean's toes. That makes her forget what it was that was hurting her in the first place.

Kaze, Latte, & Chase said...

My Woman totally feels his pain! Her toe that she had surgery on in December is killing her today. Happy birthday Jim!! Take lots of advil and use lots of ice after your surgery.

Chase

Nermal, Nico, Virgil, and Maggie said...

Happy Birthday, Jim! We're sure everything will turn out fine and his foot will be A-OK soon.

Hope your mom has a speedy recovery! Seems like a lot of people are feeling under the weather this week (our Mom included).

Riley & Tiki said...

More purrs for Jim! We hope he feels better soon. Happy Birthday, Jim!
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Tybalt said...

Happy Birthday, JIM!!!!!

Oh, your poor mom, Rocky! I'll be over to help right away!

PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Daisy said...

I am on my way over, and my purr-motor is turned onto the High setting!

Honey P. Sunshine said...

ur a brillant md, happy birthday jim

Ariel said...

"Wow" your a very good doctor.Hope your mom feels better soon :)

MoMo said...

We have a doctor in the house! There are at least two doctors in the CB - Dr Tweety and Dr Rocky, how reassuring!

I am a extra loud purrer. So here is purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for Jim and Happy Purrthday and
purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for your lovely mom and continuous
prrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, purrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
purrrrrrrrrrrrrr for extra fast recovery for both.

Cheysuli and gemini said...

I do not just do CPR, I also do catupuncture and will happily do it to your human...

I did not see that you charged extra for the toe purring. I believe that is charged out to insurance in 10 minute increments and most allow about $150 per increment...(per cat).

Boots & the Interlopers said...

We were wondering about Rocky and his degree, ya know some of those online places are pretty shady. But after we saw the bill, we are pretty dang sure Rocky really did get that degree!

Of course, the degree must be from the ASPCA or the HSUS because of that big heart and givin it to him for free!!!

Sunny's Mommy said...

Dr. Rocky, you are a great doctor. And compassionate. Not many doctors would write off a $23,428.95 bill due to it being your patient's birthday. You the man!

Churchill said...

Happy Birthday Jim!! I hope your surgery goes well, I myself am having surgery tomorrow.. I hope your cats take good care of you..

Mickey said...

Ok Rocky ,I'll bring my purrs!!I hope you do not charge your Mom the office fee.She can just donate the Temptations !! :)
Purrs Mickey

SophieKitty said...

My purr-er is on!

Dr Tweety of da Fab Five said...

Okeedokee Rocky,
I yam here to assist you wit da purrin' & da mebbe/mebbe notz diagnosez.
Da momee here iz a certyfiabull healin' touch practishunner, so she iz sendin' some furry big purrz of her own fur your frend Jim.
I tink you are deffynitely on da right track wit da vibrashunnull hertzez. Mebbe you can blastee da tuomore right off its axis.
I waz also tinkin' dat dis might solve some of Chey's campain fundin' issuez.
We could justee start chargin' fur office callz & donate da green paperz.
Well, da five are all lined up now, & we iz gonna start purrin' & not stop until Jim gets better!

-Dr Tweety

Derby said...

Purrr, purrr, purrr, purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr,purrr, purrr.

Hope this helps. Dr. Derby glad to assist.

Camie's Kitties said...

Happy birthday to Jim. We are glad he got some good news on his birthday, but we are sorry he also got some bad news too. We hope the surgery finds out what is wrong. You are doing a good job of being a doctor Rocky.

Tiki, Tavi, Cody and Camie

ML said...

O, Dr. Rocky, you are such a good docktor. how nice of u's to not charge fur tha furrst visit, too.
Purrs & Love, KC

Dragonheart & Merlin said...

Purring does wonders! It really does help people heal. We hope that both Jim and your mom are feeling better soon. Sending lots and lots of healing purrs their way.

Kavan said...

Good work on the toe, Dr. Rocky, now get going on your Mom! I'll help..

purrrr purrrr purrrr

Kavan

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

great job taking care of him Dr. Rocky. i'm sure your purring will be a big help in healing him.
we hope the surgery goes well and he is back on all 10 toes soon.
Puuuurrrrrrrrrsssssssssssssss
I hope your mommy feels better soon. My mommy's tummy is icky now too.
Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!!

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

great job taking care of him Dr. Rocky. i'm sure your purring will be a big help in healing him.
we hope the surgery goes well and he is back on all 10 toes soon.
Puuuurrrrrrrrrsssssssssssssss
I hope your mommy feels better soon. My mommy's tummy is icky now too.
Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!!

Wrigley & Cobalt said...

Happy Birthday Jim! We will send some purrs your way and hope Jim's toe gets better.

Anonymous said...

酒店經紀PRETTY GIRL 台北酒店經紀人 ,酒店經紀 酒店兼差PRETTY GIRL酒店公關 酒店小姐 彩色爆米花酒店兼職,酒店工作 彩色爆米花禮服店, 酒店上班,酒店工作 PRETTY GIRL酒店喝酒酒店上班 彩色爆米花台北酒店酒店小姐 PRETTY GIRL酒店上班酒店打工PRETTY GIRL酒店打工酒店經紀 彩色爆米花