Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Dreaming of Ischia on Too Busy Tuesday

Rocky here, spending the day spread out on my human artist's hovercraft work. I figure if I cover it up, maybe she'll get back to Artsy Catsy work. I've even tried sticking my head and paws in her printer and causing paper jams -- but so far, nothing has worked. She just pushes me out of the way and says, "Hey, RockyBlocky, no hovercraft work, no Temptations!" I say, STOP it with the 'RockyBlocky'!
Well, I guess I'll just close my eyes and imagine that I'm with our human Tiffany on the beautiful island of Ischia in the Bay of Naples, where she's teaching/performing in an opera program this month ... while I'm slaving away here in Terre Haute, Indiana (or as I call it, Terrible Hole, Indiana)! Just look at the scenery she's enjoying:

YUM! I think I'd give up Temptations for a platter of that seafood stinky goodness!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Tree Woes Wednesday

Here I go again, forced to take matters into my own paws, and drag out my tree trimming equipment and go rent a bucket truck! We had a thunderstorm yesterday, and it disproved the old axiom that "lightning never strikes twice in the same place."

Several years ago, lightning struck the ginormous catalpa tree in our backyard, and half the tree has been dying ever since. Well, yesterday, lightning struck it again!! It sounded like a bomb hit our house, and our telephone service is still fried!

I went outside to check it out, and besides an explosion of bark all over our yard, this is what I found:
That dark streak down the middle of the trunk is where lightning struck the first time. The lighter streaks on the sides and the stripped bark is where lightning struck yesterday. The streak goes from the top of the tree to the ground, and this tree is at least 5 stories high!

The doofus humans should've had this tree fixed years ago! Now they have no choice, because it's going to fall down and crush Artsy Catsy! Look how it towers over our two-story house and all the power lines:
No doubt it would take out our neighbor's house, too, and probably half the neighborhood: Well, the humans have been on the phone all day, calling tree services, calling arborists to see if the tree can be saved, calling insurance companies, calling, calling, calling. I say, JUST DO IT! More storms are coming even as I type, so I'm going out there to topple the thing myself -- before I end up with a tree trunk up my tuchas while I'm trying to nap!! I mean, a CAT can handle a CATalpa, right?

Monday, July 16, 2007

Monkey Wrench Monday

Rocky here, telling you that poet Robert Burns was right on target when he said, "The best-laid plans of cats and CEOs often go awry." Yessir, ole Bobby hit the nail right on the head, because everything keeps throwing monkey wrenches into my Artsy Catsy plans!

I can't get our humans to stay on target. First, my human artist Sharolyn has been overwhelmed with work she's doing on the websites for Neoteric Hovercraft, the World Hovercraft Organization and especially DiscoverHover. I haven't even been able to blog for days now because she's hogging the computer writing and editing Curriculum Guides for teachers all over the world whose students are building hovercraft. I mean, why is she writing things like "Bernoulli's Principle and the Coanda Effect" and "Newton's Laws of Motion" when there's an Artsy Catsy website still to be written???

We have a Catvisory Board out there ready and willing to help us create our website, but nooooo .... my human artist is too busy writing stuff like "an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force" to write emails to our Catvisory Board! Well, let me tell you, I'm an outside force and I'm gonna be acting on her soon to make her get back to Artsy Catsy work!!

And when she's not messing with Laws of Motion, she and Suzanne are messing with those feral kits in our basement. This is the newest one, the fourth (and last one) they've brought into MY house:As you can see, they haven't had much success so far in taming this poor, horrified thing. I think they should let me go down there and have a talk with it. As a former feral myself, I think I'd have much better luck taming those kittens than somehuman who spends her time immersed in the laws of physics! She's probably reasoning with the poor babies by explaining kinetic and potential energy to them!

I'm ready to give up on these Artsy Catsy humans as totally useless. In fact, I think I'll just practice some physics myself and spend the rest of Monkey Wrench Monday illustrating how "an object at rest tends to stay at rest" ...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

CEO Toesday

Rocky: No, those are not freckles on my toes. Those are highly-evolved ginger spots, which are proven to be a sign of superb leadership ability.

Lucy & Callie: (giggles) That's DIRT, you big doofus!!

Rocky: (in his best Rodney Dangerfield voice) Ah, I don't get no respect.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Spotty Feral & Farm Animals

Rocky here, concerned that I may have to admit to a failure because I'm absolutely losing control of these human artists! As you know, first they inundated me with colts and turtles and a feral kitten. Now they've brought in TWO MORE feral kittens, and tell me another will be coming, possibly with its feral mother! Here's one of the new ones, a feral girl with a spotty nose: Well, they're not really feral anymore. My human artist Sharolyn had the first one cuddling with her in less than an hour. The other two took a few more hours. Hey, those ferals are cutting into MY cuddling time! What's even worse, my human artist Suzanne spent a day on her friend's farm, cuddling with cows and horses and goats:

Next thing you know, they'll be filling my basement with a bunch of farm animals!! So far, the only things Suzanne brought home from the farm were these ....
I checked them out thoroughly to ascertain that they weren't going to hatch into another animal that would usurp more of my cuddling time or work hours.

And THIS was the final straw ....
Why does that thing get to nurse from a bottle, when they won't give me MY bottle anymore? They tell me I'm too big -- hey, that thing is WAY bigger than me!! Humph! I say it's time these human artists get back to Artsy Catsy work and stop turning my executive offices into Animal House!

Friday, July 6, 2007

Rocky Da Rockster is a Rockin' Boy Blogger!

Rocky: While my human is downstairs lion-taming feral kittens, let me graciously accept from Eric & Flynn the esteemed position of Rockin' Boy Blogger. This is a most humbling honor, indeed. Lucy: You? Gracious? Humble? Teeheehee ... NOT!

Rocky: Lucy, Eric & Flynn have bestowed this honor upon me because they understand my high-powered job and what extraordinary intelligence and discipline it takes to keep all you insubordinate staff members under control!

Lucy: Wow, do you ever have them fooled! Wait'll they find out what a big pussycat you really are .... how you'll still nurse out of a bottle ... and how you squint your eyes and back off when I come after you even though you're four times my size ... and how you slobber when you get happy ... and sleep all day .... and cry like a big baby when -

Rocky: How many times have I told you, it is against company policy to let the cat out of the bag ... so get back in it and hush!!

Now, it is my great privilege to invite five other high-powered manly mancats to join me as Rockin' Boy Bloggers, all of whom may place the blue ribbon on their blogs and also name their five selections for Rockin' boy Blogger:

Max the Psychokitty, because we have much in common and because he was my first inspiration for blogging;

Mu Shue, because he's my bud and he's Lilly Lu's brother and he's da King;

Boy, because he's a genius, too (Stifle it, Lucy!);

Cato, because he's a presidential candidate and a very intellectual & mystical dude;

The Morning Scratch Editor, Bogdan ... because he writes real news, Lucy, not scandal sheet drivel!

Lucy: Can I get out of the bag now?

Rockin' Girl Bloggers and The Blockhead

Lucy: YAY! Samantha Black has voted me in as a Rockin' Girl Blogger, because she says I have a nose for news!Rocky: Yeah, well, Lucy, here's some news for you. The humans have brought two more of those feral kittens into MY house, and they've already tamed them and now they're out looking for the fourth kitten and its feral mother. Put your spy camera and reporter's notebook to good use and publicize them so we can find them a home other than MINE!

Lucy: Oh, give it a break, Rocky! You just can't stand having someone else in the spotlight. And I'm not finished yet -- I get to choose five more Rockin' Girl Bloggers!

Rocky: Rockin'? Rockin'?? Hey, I'M the Rockin' One, Da Rockster, The Rock Star!!

Lucy: Hmm .... my sources tell me you're the RockyBlocky Blockhead! So I'm blocking you out and naming these five fabulous girlcats as Rockin' Girl Bloggers. They get to put the pink ribbon on their blog, and they get to choose five more Rockin' Girl Bloggers:

Marie the Defender, because she's white, beautiful and saving the world;

Fiona Bun and Diva Kitty, because Diva Kitty loves buns like we do, and we especially love Fiona;

Prinnie, because she's such a gorgeous curly Cornish and does such a good job taking care of Caesar;

China Cat, because she looks enough like Fracas and Fred to be their sister;

and of course, Lilly Lu, because she's the Blockhead's best friend and she keeps him out of my hair!


Lucy: Okeedokee, RockyBlocky :-)

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

TNK Tuesday

Rocky: Hey, enough is ENOUGH! What, is our house covered with signs that say, "Welcome all creatures great and small" and "FREE LUNCH"?? As if bringing colts and turtles into my executive office weren't enough -- look what my human artists have brought in now:This is not even a formerly feral -- it's still feral through and through, ready and willing to bite the hand that feeds it. And even worse, there are more to come! This newcomer is part of a litter of ferals born to a feral mama on the grounds of Neoteric Hovercraft, where my human Suzanne has been trying to capture them for weeks. Now their mama has abandoned them, and they're hungry. Humph ... a bunch of wild hovercats who don't even know what a litterpan is for!
You know, most normal humans practice TNR: Trap, Neuter, Release. My humans are NOT normal! They practice only TNK: Trap, Neuter, KEEP! It's not as if I don't have my hands full training humans and a cat staff of fifteen ... now I have to train ferals, too? I mean, it could take forever before I can whip these wild things into good enough shape to perform a useful business function! Besides, I haven't budgeted for all the vet bills this will entail ... de-fleaing, de-worming, vaccinating, spaying and neutering. This has to STOP! I ask you, how is my payroll supposed to cover a hundred bazillion staff members?

Sharolyn: Hey Rocky, calm down! You were once a feral, too. What if I'd just left you out there in the woods, with no chin squiggles, no Temptations, no nip, no hair clips ......

Rocky: Awwwwww ....... niiice kitty!! :-)

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Turtle Sundae?

Our humans took a walk in the park this morning and, upon arriving back at home, they walked in the door announcing, "Kitties! Come see what we brought! It's Turtle Sundae!" So Fracas and I raced to the door with this image in our minds: Well, because of what happened next, I've issued a new edict at Artsy Catsy:

"All important announcements shall be made in writing, since visual spelling is essential for clarity."

As you can see, their "Turtle Sundae" oral announcement created a grossly inaccurate image in our minds, because THIS is what we got:

And poor Fracas may never recover from the disillusionment of imagining a Turtle Sundae under his belt and getting THIS instead: