CEO Rocky's Superbowl Savings

Such incompetence. The humans were rushing out on a Super Bowl party shopping spree without any strategic planning and no concern whatsoever for the bottom line. So, first I had to make them wait while I buried myself in the task of pawing through ads and clipping coupons, then I had to write out their menu and shopping list.

I was explicit: We wanted tuna catsserole on Super Bowl Sunday. But what do they come home with? Wings and weenies! Wings we might tolerate, but soaked in barbecue sauce? And weenies? What kind of perverse carnivores are these people? And what's the point of being The Decider if they ignore your decisions? So what if I'm down in the popularity polls -- I still have Executive Privilege!

Now it's time for my dinner, but nooo, my human is busy baking some kind of Colts cake. What's the point of watching a bunch of colts and bears bat around a ridiculous ball that doesn't even have feathers or bells or crinkles or catnip? Waste of time. All I can say is there'd better be some serious lap time tomorrow or, people, the fur's gonna hit the fan!

Hey there, your cat Fracas here ...

... but you can call me Frack or Frackywack or Frickyfrack or even Frackles ... just as long as you CALL ME! (lol, haha, chuckle, chortle) Executive Vice President in charge of Sales, Marketing, PR, Product Development, Company Morale, Keeping Callie under Control ... whatever, I'm your man!!!! :-)

I'm here today to get you revved about what I've got my humans doing. You gotta tread softly with these artistic types (Focus, people, FOCUS!) but I had some good raw material here. Take for instance my human, Sharolyn. Man, she's a pawful! (AwfulPawful, I call her behind her back.) :-) But is this girl good with gourds, or what!! Check this out, dudes:
I used my purrfect PR skills to get her an interview in Crafts Report Magazine awhile back: http://www.craftsreport.com/september02/onlineexclusive.html

And, man oh man, am I primo or what? :-) I put that girl down in history when I got her a gig as an artist involved in the World's First Gourd Quilt:
Yessireebobcat, that quilt is made entirely of 4" pieces of gourd!! Here's the piece my girl AwfulPawful did:

You can read all about it at http://www.americangourdsociety.org/quilt.html Anyhoo, I've got her working on some absolutelyfantasmagorical gourd artwork for you cat lover types out out there. She's also into beaded cat jewelry, bookmarks, cat memorials, wall plaques ... you name it! You cat lovers want it, we got it, all coming up soon, so stay tuned!!

But wait!! There's more!!! So I'll keep my tail in your door and we'll catch you later with hot news about my other artsygirl, Suzanne, and my main art man, Jason, and give you a sneak peak at their ArtsyCatsy work.

Later, babe! Luv ya!!!!!!!!

“Good morning, ArtsyCatsy, this is Callie, how may I help you ….

… blah, blah, blah.” Yeah, that’s how Mr. fancypants CEO says I have to answer the phone. What a load of catcrap. I’ve got seniority around here, I'm the original Golden Girl, see ... but nnnoo, who gives a hiss about the elderly anymore? They bring in this Rocky cocky fleabag whippersnapper – who I could knock clear into next week if I had a mind to – they make him the boss of me, and I get demoted to Administrative Assistant. What, me type? With these arthritic old claws?

And “CEO, MFA” my geriatric hind end. He ain’t nothin’ but a vagrant they picked up out at the lake where his streetwalkin’ mother left him. He was only a day old, and I watched Mr. Know-It-All get bottle-fed and burped for months by these three rattlebrained artsyfartsy humans we got here. And, you didn’t hear it from me, but Mr. CEO still likes to hit the bottle when there ain’t nobody in his office. He’d better not push me too far with this “take a letter, pick up my dry kibble, get me a cup of Friskies” nonsense or I’ll let all his nasty little secrets out of the bag.

“I’m happy to have been of service, thank you for calling, have a wonderful day…” Oh, my aching psoriatic haunches, this job will be the death of my ninth life!