Jump & Shout Contest

Rocky: My good buddies Kimo & Sabi are having a great contest to celebrate the NBA playoffs and to raise funds for Cat Friends Helping Friends ...

I'm a very demanding CEO (Cat Executive Officer), who has been known to jump on, and shout at, my cat staff on occasion, so count me in!

I had a jumping photo shoot done before I get too plump to jump:

And here I am shouting at my slacker staff:Join me and jump right in everykitty, and let's help Kimo & Sabi raise some funds for a very worthy cause!

Finally Friday with Fracas

It's Finally Friday - time to relax. You see, I'm not only the Vice President of Artsy Catsy, I'm also the youngest in the household, which makes me the heir apparent. Since some day this feline empire will be mine, it's very important for me to stay in shape and maintain my emotional and physical health. I've been doing that on Fridays with yoga postures I learned from Skittles. I'd like to share them with you ... and give you the proper Sanskrittycat terms:

I begin with the resting pose, known as the Cataquiver Comehitherslither ...

Then I move gently into the Pussayummi Rubatummi, rotating the paws slowly between tummy and nose, which keeps them in shape for whapping ...

Next comes the all-important Tabbyposa Touchanosa, a miraculous pose for preventing that telltale double chin ...

Then I move gently into the Kittapraisa Lickatailsa, ever mindful of keeping the toes pointed to the heavens ...Last, I fall easily into the final resting pose, the Fullcollapsayama Catanapsarama ...

Namaste.

Rocky's Yard Sale

Humans! I swear!! What is it with them and their mindless consumerism, anyway? I mean, I'm ready to get back to work building my Artsy Catsy business, but these two human artists have accumulated so much STUFF in my corporate office that I was forced to have a yard sale this weekend so I could have room to work. A CEO must have his space, after all!

First I had to make zillions of signs and then prowl all over town to put them up. (I used orange paint so if I splashed myself it would look like just another of my handsome, if I do say so myself, ginger spots.)

Then I had to go through their jam-packed closets and drag out all the clothes they never wear, then haul them out to the yard. Every cent they spend on clothes is a cent they don't spend on Temptations, so out with the clothes!

Just look at this stuff they'd piled up! A kiddie pool? We don't even have a kid!

And what the heck is THIS, I ask you:

What, we don't have enough cats around here? Let me tell you, I stuck a bargain basement cheapo price on this worthless overstuffed fake feline!

I had to drag myself out of my human artist's warm bed at 6 a.m. and start hauling stuff outside, where there was frost on the ground and the temperature was 32 degrees! Then I worked my fuzzy butt off all day long for two whole days ...

adding up sales ...

And making change for an endless parade of shoppers ... And dodging boxes thrown around in the shoppers' frenzy of mindless consumerism ... The only enjoyable part of the day was meeting lots of new people and old friends ... like our good woofie friend, Sassy, and her mom Lois:
Well, that and taking a break or two when the sun finally came out and warmed things up: Then I had to spend my entire Sunday cleaning up the mess and prowling around all over town again to take down all my signs!

Now that this blasted yard sale is over, I've issued a corporate edict that all personnel are to get back to Artsy Catsy business immediately. I expect some productivity, you people and pussies! And no more hoarding useless crap and piling STUFF up in my offices! So get into your cubicles and start cranking out all the new products we've been discussing -- cat Christmas tree ornaments; Santa Cat gourd wreaths; cat-themed placemats and matching napkin rings; kitty grocery bag dispensers; cat charm sunglasses holders for human cars ...

Okay, time for me to go gnaw on our webmaster so maybe I can finally get our ArtsyCatsy.com website up and running ...

Press Conference: Libby Trial Verdict

My fellow citizens, as your self-appointed Cat-in-Chief, I have called this press conference to respond to today's guilty verdict in the Scooter Libby trial, which does not bode well for his boss, Dick Cheney. Libby was implicated in leaking to the press Valerie Plame's identity as a CIA agent, and now Cheney may be in deep dog doo.

First, let me make it clear that was not Cheney behind me at my State of the CatUnion address. That was a manipulated photo, which I was not involved in, was totally unaware of and did not cover up. An unnamed staffer inserted a Cheney image behind the actual photo of me at the podium.

Second, I have never met Dick Cheney and he is no friend of mine. Of course, that depends on what the definition of 'is' is. But let me assure you that I have never had feline relations with that man! I have never spoken with him, doctored intelligence with him, gone war-profiteering with him, and I certainly have never gone hunting with him.

Third, I have no association with Scooter Libby. Although there are rumors that Libby may be a scapegoat, with a name like 'Scooter," he is obviously a not a goat but a dog, and I do not associate with dogs. Cheney may be going to the dogs, as well; rumors of his impoochment are rabidly circulating.

As you know, this whole sordid affair began with the claim that Iraq tried to purchase yellowcake uranium from Africa. Actionable intelligence from my own FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) has proven that it was not yellowcake but a big yellowcat hairball produced by African lions, which Saddam's government officials hoped to hide behind when the coalition of the willing invaded Baghdad.

In closing, you have my assurance that anyone found leaking in my catministration will be promptly fired and confined to a top-security litterpan for the rest of their natural nine lives, where they can cover up all they want. And to anyone who says I had anything to do with this mess, I say bring 'em on! As I've said many times, fool me once, shame on ... shame on you fooler; fool me again, no matter how foolish feeling like you can fool me, you fool, fooling me twice or thrice times fooled you can't never get fooled on no more.

No, I will not take questions. It is my policy to not comment on ongoing investigations, even after they're not ongoing. Direct your questions to:

Dick Cheney
One Undisclosed Location
Somewhere, USA

From Atlas, Corporate Bookend

Since we work behind the scenes, some of us at ArtsyCatsy have been pretty low-profile. We might not be in your face giving orders like Rocky, or soundbiting like Fracas, or catastrophizing like Callie, but our jobs are still important.

We three littermates were rescued from an abandoned house at 3 weeks old, and started movin' on up until we became the backbone of this company. Take me - Atlas - for instance, and my brother Somber. As Official Corporate Bookends/Paperweights, we play a crucial role in keeping this company organized. Even though Somber can't decide whether his fur is black or white, and even though I almost died in 1997 from feline urologic syndrome, we still, so to speak, carry our own weight here - and it's ample.

And then there's our sister, LittleGirl. As a baby, she suffered an eye trauma before we were rescued, leaving her with only one good one. But it's good that ArtsyCatsy hires the handicapped, because as Quality Control Manager, LittleGirl does an excellent job keeping an eye on everything.

Okay, gotta go hold up some books and hold down some paper.